The Boy I Once Loved Read online

  Luckily, the toilet is empty, and he carries me inside. “You need help?”

  I blush red and look at where Aria is standing. “No. Aria can help me.”

  “It’s no biggie, I’ve seen you naked, remember?” He says laughing at my obvious embarrassment.

  I glare at him and he just laughs even more. “I’ll wait outside.”

  As soon as the door shuts, Aria is on me. “He’s seen you naked?”

  “Yep,” I grimace. “He had to help me undress to shower because of this stupid thing.” I lean a hand on the sink as I try to pull my undies down.

  “Here hold the sink and I’ll do it for you.” Feeling all kinds of embarrassed I do as she suggests and then she helps me sit myself down on the loo. “So, Dylan, huh?”

  I hold my finger to my lips and point to the door.

  “Okay, but we are having this conversation another time,” she insists, folding her arms.

  I nod. Maybe it will be good to finally share all that is going on in my head with someone else. We both finish up and Aria opens the door and releases her arm from me to allow Dylan to pick me up again. “This is crap. You can’t carry me around all night.”

  He winks at me. “Sure, I can. You’re like my personal Fingerling.”

  "Pardon?" Aria asks wide-eyed.

  “You know those little monkey toys that were big with the kids a few years back. They wrap around your fingers. Well, Ella’s mine.”

  Aria shakes her head, laughing. “You have no idea how dirty that sounded.”

  “Yeah, I guess it did,” he chuckles. “Let’s head back to the fire pit and find Connor.”

  We head back outside, and Connor confirms him, Jack and Lucas have looked everywhere for my crutches, but it’s clear someone has stolen them. My mind straight away fixes on one person – Freya. We sit back down, and Katy comes out with mallows on sticks for us to toast. Dylan toasts one for me and he hands it to me before toasting one for himself. Eventually, we head back inside, but not before we pass Caleb and Freya practically having sex on the decking area. Yeah, that sight will stay with me for a while. Dylan carries us through to the kitchen for drinks and I have my fourth. I'm feeling a bit light-headed, as it has been a while since I have had any alcohol. Dylan sits me on the kitchen island worktop, and he leans on the counter beside me while Aria and Connor take the bar stools.

  “So, what is it we are all doing next weekend?” I ask, looking at each of them in turn. Connor and Aria return me blank looks and that tell me they don’t have a clue what I’m talking about.

  I nudge Dylan, who continues to ignore me. “So, we don’t have plans for next weekend then?”

  “No,” he admits, clearing his throat. “Not yet, but we will have.”

  "Hey, Dylan." A brunette girl has sidled up to his other side and is draping herself over him, sticking her chest in his view.

  "Hi, Talia." She leans in and whispers something in his ear, and Dylan coughs and gives her a tight smile as she walks away, swinging her hips seductively for him.

  “What was that?” I ask, smirking.

  “Oh that, she just offered to blow me later.” He says it so matter-of-factly.

  “Is this an everyday occurrence for you?” I ask, dumbfounded. I mean, I know he is hot, but does he really have girls propositioning him every which way? I suddenly feel very insecure in my own skin.

  “Pretty much.” He grins as he takes a swig of his drink.

  "A poll voted him best kisser in the college e-newsletter," Connor tells me in amusement.

  “Best kisser. You?” I cock a brow.

  “Yes, me. These lips are magical, you know. I know how to kiss a girl good and proper.”

  I snigger and shake my head. “Come on, I mean a kiss is a kiss.”

  “I have to disagree,” Aria says. “I have kissed some boys in the past and they really don’t have a clue. One once stuck his tongue straight down my throat and made me gag.”

  “See?” Dylan tells me as he puts his empty bottle down and grabs another. “You really don’t believe me, do you?”

  I shake my head. “No. You can’t be that good.”

  He nods. “Okay, let’s see. I dare you to kiss me and not find it the best kiss you have ever had.”

  I scoff. “You’re not serious?” Please tell me he isn’t serious because how can I kiss him and keep my feelings hidden?

  “Deadly,” he tells me firmly. “A dare is a dare, Ella.”

  I am not good at turning down a challenge, and he knows it.

  "Okay, let's do it," I reply, raising my chin in defiance. "Get over here Mr world's best kisser."

  He slowly places his cider down and comes and stands between my legs. I am surrounded by his scent and it makes my heart beat faster.

  “This should be good,” I hear Connor say behind us.

  "Shush," Aria hisses at him. "I do need to see this."

  “You ready?” He grins, looking all smug and self-assured.

  “Oh, I’m ready. Bring it,” I reply, my voice sounding much more relaxed and confident than I feel inside.

  He leans right into my personal space so that our lips are only a breath apart, and then he softly skirts his top lip over my bottom lip. It’s barely a touch, but I feel it everywhere. Then he brushes his bottom lip over mine again. I close my eyes, shutting out everything and everyone around us and just allow myself to feel. Slowly, he places his lips on mine and kisses me ever so gently. His lips explore mine, touching and teasing, and I lap up every touch and stroke. He deepens the kiss then and his tongue parts my lips and smoothly enters my mouth, brushing against my tongue. I feel his hands at the back of my head, pulling me in closer. I am kissing my best friend and it is more than I have ever dreamed it would be. It is like fire and ice all rolled into one dangerous and addictive combination. Someone groans, I have no clue whether it is him or me. But I kiss him back, letting my tongue taste him. He takes my bottom lips in his teeth and gently tugs, making me pulse down there. Then his tongue is back inside my mouth, exploring and setting me on fire.

  “Holy hell.”

  The sound of Aria’s voice pulls me from the trance I am in, reminding me we are standing in Katy’s kitchen with a very busy party going on around us. Dylan pulls back from me, his breathing laboured and heavy like mine, and we simply stare at each other, chests heaving.

  “And that,” he tells me, clearing his throat, “is how you kiss a girl.”

  I don’t have the ability to speak. My mind is still reeling from all the sensations and emotions that are hitting me.

  “So, what’s the verdict?” He’s standing there completely calm and collected, and I have to remind myself that this is just a dare to him and nothing more.

  I bob my head side-to-side. “I admit you are pretty good.” He rolls his eyes at my half-compliment. “You have excellent technique and that thing you do with your tongue is pretty good.”

  “Best you’ve had?” He asks, arms folded, pressing me for a definitive answer.

  “I wouldn’t say best I have ever had. I mean, I haven’t kissed Joe Jonas yet and I’m pretty sure he would blow you out of the water.”

  “You can’t compare me to some singer who you will never get to kiss,” he protests.

  “Then I can’t make a judgement on whether it was my best kiss until I have sampled many more contenders,” I tell him with a smug smile. There is no way I will ever admit that his kiss blew every other one out of the water.

  Laughing from behind us has me looking over Dylan’s shoulder to where Aria is leaning against Connor’s back with her phone in her hand.

  “Oh god. You didn’t just film that?” I ask her open-mouthed.

  She gives me an apologetic shrug of her shoulders. "Sorry, but I had to. I promise it won't make its way onto social media. I'll send it to you both now and delete it, I swear."

  I should be mad at her, but truth be told, I am dying to watch that video back on my own and see if it looks as hot and amazing as it
felt. “I hope that girl you like didn’t see that, because if she did, I’d say you have lost any chance you had.”

  He shrugs his shoulders, still standing between my legs, his hips brushing against my thighs. “This should feel weird right?” I ask him. “I mean we have been best friends all our lives.”

  “It doesn’t feel weird. I mean, why would it? We’ve known each other for forever.”

  I nod my head. The urge to grab hold of him and pull him back against my lips is all-consuming. If kissing Dylan James was an Olympic sport, I would be a gold medal winner because I would never come up for air. Part of me wishes I’d have hated that kiss and then this all-consuming ache of loving and wanting my best friend and knowing I couldn’t have him, will not forever haunt me.

  A very drunk Lucas and Jack find their way to us, and their drunken wrestling soon takes the spotlight off that kiss. By midnight Katy has kicked everyone out and there’s just our small group left. I laugh at myself when I catch myself saying our group. I came back here determined to have nothing to do with Dylan, and now here I am, a part of his exclusive inner circle. We all head to the den as there is a huge-ass sofa in there that is like a giant bed that we can all slob out on. Plus, there is a huge cinema screen for us to game on or watch movies. Dylan and Connor sit on the edge of the enormous sofa glued to their game, so I sit back with Aria and Katy. Caleb and Freya have been M.I.A for some time and are likely holed up in one of the five bedrooms in this vast house. Aria makes me sit in front of her so she can plait my hair. I have changed with Aria and Katy and we were all now in comfy pyjama shorts and t-shirts. The boys had got changed into joggers and Dylan was in a pair that hung low on his hips and teased at that v that leads to his groin. He has thrown on a black vest that showed off his muscular arms.

  “So, that kiss earlier,” Aria says casually.

  I look over at the boys, but they are all chatting and concentrating on the game, so I know there’s no chance they are listening.

  “What kiss?” Katy asks, suddenly seeming awake.

  “Dylan dared Ella to kiss him before and well, they did for a full two minutes.”

  I chuckle. "You were timing it? I'm surprised you didn't get out scorecards at the end."

  “Oh, trust me, it would have been a ten. That kiss was hot!” Aria says, fanning herself and grinning.

  “Oh, come on,” Katy teases, “you two must have kissed before. I mean you are like, closer than Ant and Dec.”

  “Only once and we were about eight years old, and it was literally a peck. I think it weirded us both out and we never spoke about it again.”

  Katy leans her chin on her knee. “I think it’s sweet. Was that your first kiss too?” I nod. “See, that’s just dreamy. Your first kiss was with your best friend. You’ll be like together in your nineties and celebrating being together for like sixty years or something.”

  I laugh. “I think you are getting carried away, Katy. Besides, Dylan is into someone.”

  “He is?” Katy looks at me puzzled. “Who?”

  I shrug and shake my head. “I have no clue. All I know is she is blonde, and he has liked her for a long time.”

  “That sucks.” Katy gives me a sad smile. “I honestly thought you two were made for each other.”

  I sigh as Aria finishes my braid and holds it together with a scrunchie. “I think Dylan and I will always be just good friends, and that’s okay. So long as he is part of my life, I’m happy with that.”

  Katy shakes her head. “That will all change though if he gets with this girl. No more lifts to school and looking after you when you’re hurt. He’ll be too busy doing all those things for her.”

  I sigh. She is right. I am a fool to think things would carry on as they are when he gets together with this girl and he will. It is a matter of not if, but when. I have a fleeting idea that I could convince him it isn’t a good idea to tell this girl and then I wouldn’t lose him, but as soon as I get that idea, I dismiss it. He is my best friend, and I can’t do that to him.

  Before long, Katy dozes off. Aria throws a blanket over her and then she announces to Connor that she is tired and drags him off to bed. Jack has also passed out and Lucas had taken himself off to the bathroom, looking like he was about to bring up everything in his stomach. Dylan and I play against each other on the x-box for a while, but I yawn and lose concentration.

  "I need sleep," I tell him, stretching my arms in the air as I yawn.

  "You wanna just crash here or go find a bed?"

  “Bed, please,” I reply, stifling another yawn.

  Dylan stands and pats his chest, smiling. “Climb aboard.”

  I tut and roll my eyes as I wrap my arms around his neck. “I think you enjoy me being reliant on you.”

  A smile tugs at his mouth as he climbs the stairs. “What can I say? It’s the caveman in me, wanting to protect my female.”

  I go all warm inside at hearing him calling me his. “Except I’m not your female.” I remind him.

  “I beg to differ. You are my best female friend; therefore, you are my female.”

  I bob my head; it was a fair comment. “So, have you had any thoughts about how you are going to tell this girl how you feel?”

  His answer is a deep frown. “I don’t really want to talk about that.”

  “Why?” I push, hoping that he has changed his mind about telling this girl.

  “I just, I’d rather not, okay?”

  “Okay, but if you do want to talk ....”

  We’re both silent as we enter one of the guest bedrooms. Dylan heads straight for the bathroom. Being the chicken-shit that I am, I quickly take off my shoe and reach for the lamp and turn it off and huddle down into the covers. I’ll pretend to be asleep, that is the best way to deal with this. The bathroom door opens, and I scrunch my eyes shut and try to regulate my breathing, so it looks like I am fast asleep. I hear him pad over to the bed and then nothing. Is he getting in? Or is he just going to stand there? I get my answer when he pulls back the covers and the bed dips as he climbs inside. He moves so he is right behind me and he slides his hand over my waist.

  “Good night, my Ella umbrella,” he says softly, kissing the back of my head.

  I lie deadly still. Like a deer in headlights. I feel his warm breath against my ear as he breathes in and out. I am well and truly fucked. Dylan James was never the boy I once loved. He is the boy I still love. He has been my favourite person since we were tiny. Somehow the boy with the cheeky grin and piercing blue eyes had become a part of my essence. What if after that kiss he feels something? What if we decide to see where this goes, and it goes horribly wrong and one of us hurts the other? What if by seeing if there is something more, I lose my best friend? Was this worth the risk? The risk of losing one of the most important people in my life. I have already lost so much in my short seventeen years. I had lost my brother and for the last three years I had lost my mother to the bottle. My heart aches but I know I can’t risk losing Dylan, so no matter what I feel for him, I need to lock those feelings away and tell myself I want nothing more than friendship.

  Chapter Eight

  I wake up the next morning and the first thought my mind flocks to is that kiss. That epic, toe-curling, tsunami of butterflies’ kiss. That hit by lightning kiss. Then my heart drops into my stomach when my brain kindly reminds me that the kiss was not real. It was a dare and nothing more, and that is the only reason it happened. Dylan will never see me as anything but his best friend. With a sigh, I roll onto my side and screech when I find him staring back at me, wide awake.

  “Holy shit, Dyl! Are you trying to scare me to death?”

  He chuckles in response. “Sorry, I was lost in my own thoughts.”

  I grin. “You mean you actually have thoughts?” I knock on his forehead with my fist. “I honestly thought there was nothing up here that you did any thinking with.”

  He rolls his eyes. “So funny, Ella Umbrella.” He stretches out and my eyes sneak to those sculpted abs.
“I need to get up. Coach has arranged an extra training session this morning.”

  “Lucky you. Looks like I need to entertain myself today then.”

  He stands and throws his discarded top on from last night. "You could always come to watch me."

  I snigger. “Yeah, I’ll pass thanks. I’m sure you will have plenty of adoring female fans there to soothe your ego.”

  He shakes his head and offers me a tight smile. “Maybe I’m not bothered about those girls. Maybe I’d rather have my best friend there.”

  “Yeah, right. I’ll pass,” I say laughing.

  He throws on his jeans, pulling them up over those toned thighs. “We still okay for tonight though?”

  “Tonight?” I give him a puzzled look until I remember him saying he is taking me out somewhere tonight. “Oh yeah, of course. Are you going to give me some clues where we are going?”

  He leans over me and taps me on the end of my nose. His proximity makes me hold a breath in.

  “Now that would spoil the fun of a surprise,” he replies with a cheeky wink. Playful Dylan always makes me swoon.

  I pull myself out of the bed and quickly pull on the joggers I wore last night. It is getting harder and harder to be around him. I want more, but I know I can’t have more. I need to build myself a circle of friends away from Dylan, Connor and their group. I need to create some distance. It is the only way I can survive this and not risk blurting out my feelings and ruining everything for good.

  I lie on my bed at home an hour or so after Dylan drops me off. He tells me he will be back to pick me up at six tonight. I pick up my mobile and dial Uncle Matt’s number. He picks up on the second ring.

  "Hey, there angel face," he greets warmly.

  “Hey. Can I come home?” I ask him, picking at the thread on my duvet cover.