The Boy I Once Loved Page 15

  “Both pink,” Aria says, grinning at me and winking. “Who farts the most?”

  Okay, no question on the answer here. Dylan is a bag of wind. I remember when he once held me down and farted on my back and the time we had a farting competition and he beat me easily.

  “Both blue.”

  Connor nods his head. “I can vouch for that. Dylan is a stinky fucker.”

  Dylan laughs from behind me. "Well, it's gotta come out."

  “Okay, who is the clumsiest?”

  I immediately hold my pink pad up. I am the queen of clumsy. If there is a pebble on the path, you could guarantee I’d trip over it.

  “No question on this one,” Dylan says confidently. Connor laughs along with him.

  “Hell yes. Ella falls over everything and anything. Remember that time she fell in that skip?”

  Dylan and Connor laugh again, and I shake my head, fighting off a grin. “I’m so glad my misfortune provides you two with amusement. You both left me in that skip for a good five minutes with me begging you to help me out.”

  Connor shoulders bob up and down as he laughs in response and he marks down our points.

  “Next one. Who is the most loyal?”

  My smile drops. This is not a question I want to answer. If I’m answering honestly, then I can’t say Dylan is loyal. He let me down when I needed him the most. I raise my pink pad again.

  “Both pink. Think the rest of us may as well throw in the towel here,” Aria says smiling. “I don’t think there’s anything these two don’t know about each other.”

  “Get on with it,” Freya hisses from where she has been sitting watching, with a scowl on her face.

  Aria reads the card, and she grins. Uh-oh.

  “Who is the best kisser?”

  I groan internally. Has she picked this one out on purpose? Well, obviously, I think I am pretty good at kissing, but I think back to that kiss we shared the other week, and I can’t deny Dylan knows how to kiss. Reluctantly, I hold up the blue pad.

  Aria winces. “No match.”

  I blink. Dylan picked me! Well, I wasn’t expecting that. I expected Mr confident to pick himself. So, he liked my kiss then?

  “Who is the most honest?”

  I groan internally. I’m not at all honest with Dylan. I’ve been hiding my real feelings from him for years. But if we are talking in general, then I guess I’d say me. I couldn’t lie for toffee, whereas Dylan could always spin a tale and tell fibs to his mum when we were younger. So, based on that, I hold up my pink card.

  “Match,” Aria announces.

  “I don’t think either of them is the answer for that one,” Connor mutters under his breath.

  I look up at him in question and he shrugs his shoulders. “I just think you two haven’t been honest about a lot of things for a while.”

  Dylan remains quiet at my back, and that surprises me, but then he speaks. “Just leave it alone, Con.”

  Connor holds up both his hands and he concentrates back on his scorecard.

  “Okay, last one. Who is more likely to start a fight?”

  I breathe a sigh of relief at this one. Again, the answer is simple. Dylan, without a doubt. I hold up my blue paddle.

  “A match again. Looks like you two are a perfect match,” Aria says, her eyes observing me, knowingly. She sees too much.

  “Okay, give me the cards,” Freya demands as she flounces over to Aria. “Time for an actual couple to play a round.”

  I rise out of my seat so that Connor can take my place, and I take my seat back around the campfire. Dylan doesn’t return to his previous seat, but he takes the one Aria had been using, next to me.

  “Best kisser, huh?” He grins, whispering into my ear.

  I shrug. “I picked you because I presumed you’d pick yourself. You know, with you being so in love with yourself and all.”

  A smile dances on his lips. “Course you did.”

  I inwardly curse him. “Fuck off, Dyl.”

  He nudges me, smiling. “Such a dirty mouth, Ella bear.”

  In the campfire's light, his dark eyes glisten, the flecks of amber highlighted by the flames. Sometimes he floors me with how gorgeous he is, even that tiny scar on his forehead is cute.

  Aria and Connor do well, but they get fewer matches than me and Dylan. It's funny listening to them argue though about who made the first move and who is the most romantic. Freya and Caleb go next, and they are abysmal. It's clear the only thing they know about each other is how to get naked and bump uglies. As the evening progresses and the alcohol flows, the tone of the games takes a nosedive.

  Freya stands, swaying slightly on her feet. “Time for some real fun. Truth or dare, or never have I ever. Or spin the bottle?”

  "Isn't that a bit juvenile?" I ask. I do not want to play either of these games. They always seem to lead to fall-outs or awkward situations.

  Aria shakes her head. “I’m not playing spin the bottle.”

  “Never have I ever it is then.” Caleb says and he claps his hands together in anticipation.

  Dylan and I share a look, and his eyes roll, making me smile. It looks like he wants to play this silly game as much as I do.

  Caleb grins. “Okay, if you’ve done it you drink, if you haven’t you don’t. Simple.” He rubs his hands together like he is looking forward to causing some mischief. “Okay, never have I ever had sex.”

  Everyone takes a drink. No virgins here then.

  “That was lame, Caleb,” Freya chastises. “Never had I ever had a threesome.”

  I keep my bottle in my hands but Dylan and Freya both drink and I looked at Dyl’s wide-eyed and he flushes slightly and shrugs his shoulders.

  “My turn,” Aria announces. “Never have I ever been in love.”

  I gulp. Fuck. Here goes nothing. I take a sip of my drink and I feel the intensity of Dylan’s stare as he takes a drink of his drink. I look anywhere but at him, but I can feel his eyes on me. The only people who don’t drink are Caleb and Freya. No surprises there. I think the only person Freya has ever loved is herself.

  "Never have I ever taken drugs," Caleb says, grinning.

  Everyone takes a drink apart from Aria.

  “Never have I ever wanted to die,” Freya says, and everyone looks up at her in shock. This game is taking a dark turn.

  Everyone’s eyes turn to me when I lift my bottle and I take a drink. When I feel the weight of everyone’s stares, I straighten my shoulders. “My brother died,” I offer in explanation.

  “Fuck,” I hear Caleb curse.

  “Okay, enough with this shit game,” Dylan growls, downing the rest of his drink. “It’s bullshit.”

  Freya’s eyes glisten with devilment. “Time for truth or dare then.”

  Dylan throws his empty bottle on the floor and glares at Freya from across the campfire. "No more fucking games, Freya."

  Freya sits up straighter and looks at him in defiance. "Don't be such a bore, Dylan. You never used to be so boring."

  “No?” he says. I can hear the cold in his tone. “Maybe it’s called growing up. You’re just trying to get a rise out of people and it’s fucking annoying.”

  Everyone else watches on in deadly silence.

  “Afraid I’ll dare you to tell the truth about what you told me about Ella,” she challenges him, glaring back at his stony stare.

  “Quit it,” he growls. Suddenly I’m very interested to know what she has to say.

  Freya preens like a peacock as she looks over at me. “He told me you were a selfish bitch who upped and left and ran away from your problems.”

  “Fuck you, Freya,” Dylan hisses. He turns round to face me. “I was blind drunk that night and it was your birthday. I was thinking about you and being sour, that’s all. It was the drink talking.”

  “I ran away,” I repeat. Unbelievable! “I had no choice but to go. You know that.”

  Dylan sighs and runs a hand through his dark hair. “Let’s not do this now.”

  I
put my drink down and I stand to my feet. “No, let’s do this now. I mean this is what Freya wants isn’t it, to stir the pot like the manipulative bitch she is.”

  “Now wait a-“

  “Just shut the fuck up Freya,” Caleb orders, shutting her down.

  "I couldn't stay in this town a day longer," I say, refusing to let this drop. "It was tearing me up inside. Everywhere I turned reminded me of Liam."

  “I know,” Dylan says softly.

  I shake my head. “No, you don’t know Dyl. You don’t know, because your brother didn’t die. You’ve no idea what it feels like and you don’t know because you weren’t there.”

  Dylan grasps at his hair with his hands. His pain-ridden eyes turning to me. "How many fucking times do I need to say I'm sorry for you to forgive me El? How many ways can I say I'm sorry for being a dick and not being there for you? Are you going to hold this against me for the rest of my fucking life?"

  “I’m trying, Dylan. I’m fucking trying.” I reply, being as open and honest as I can.

  “I’m going for a walk,” Dylan announces, striding off into the woods. Connor passes his bottle to Aria and chases off after his friend.

  Everyone is awkwardly quiet and unable to take any more of this night I announce I'm off to bed and run away to my tent.

  I toss and turn in my sleeping bag. There is no chance I’m getting to sleep with all these thoughts running around in my mind. I hear a noise outside the tent and then the sound of the zipper on the tent being pulled down. I roll on to my side and close my eyes tight, pretending to be asleep.

  “Fuck,” Dylan hisses as he stumbles into our tent. I hear him zip up the front and then hear him stumble about as he takes his shoes off and falls into his sleeping bag. There’s hardly any room between us when he lies down beside me. “El,” he says softly. When I don’t reply, I hear him release a deep sigh. “It gutted me when you left. I was angry with myself. I lost you and it broke me. When you took a drink before and admitted that you had wanted to die, it fucked my head up. I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist, Ella. You’re my best friend. The only person who truly knows me. No one knows me like you do, not even Connor. I’ll never let you down again, Ella, never.”

  I cry quietly as I listen to his words, pretending to sleep deeply. It makes my heart ache to hear the pain in his voice. It cuts like glass to my heart. I have been so busy being angry at him for letting me down that I missed seeing the pain it had caused him. I've built these walls up so tight around my heart because I can't break like I did three years ago. Back then, I'd felt so lost and alone and let down. I've let no one in since, nothing penetrated my walls, but Dylan, he has the potential to bring them crashing down and it terrifies me like nothing else.

  Chapter Twelve

  In the morning I wake up with my face resting on Dylan’s chest. Why is it I can’t seem to stay away from him? Even in my sleep for god’s sake. At some time during the night, Dylan’s arms have come out of his sleeping bag and they are now wrapped around my waist holding me against him. I go to roll away and put some space between us.

  “Don’t,” he says softly. “I’m sorry El. I’m sorry about last night.”

  “It’s okay,” I reply, my voice barely a whisper. “We’ve both done and said things we regret. I’m sorry too.”

  “I just want you in my life, Ella. I need my best friend,” he confesses. His voice is raw with emotion.

  “You’ve got me,” I tell him, my voice breaks with the tangle of feelings running through my head and my heart.

  After breakfast, we all go for a long hike around the lake. It's a beautiful day, cold but so pretty as the low sun flickers through the trees and the light bounces off the water. It is peaceful and still apart from the sounds of the birds in the trees. It's quiet, that is until Freya moans for about the tenth time that her feet are hurting. Maybe if she'd have brought decent shoes with her instead of her heeled boots, she wouldn't be complaining. I stride ahead, hoping to drown out her voice.

  “You, okay?” Aria asks me as we walk alongside each other.

  I nod my head. “I’m good.”

  “Connor told me about your brother after he introduced us. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”

  I glance her way and nod. “It was tough. He was three years older than me, but he was my big brother and I idolised him. There isn’t a day goes by when I don’t think about him.”

  Aria touches my arm briefly. "Connor said he was a good guy. He would kick the ball around with him and Dylan sometimes."

  “He was.” I smile. “I think Connor and Dylan had a bit of a guy crush on my cool brother at one point.”

  Aria chuckles, nodding. “Connor’s no siblings, so I’m sure he looked up to him.” Aria looks back behind us at Freya. “I’m sorry Freya was such a bitch. I wish I’d never invited her along.”

  I bat away her comment with my hand. “It’s fine. I can handle Freya; don’t you worry about that.”

  “I know you can. I’m still sorry that she spoiled the evening.”

  “Forget about it,” I reassure her with a friendly nudge and a smile.

  Aria looks up in front of us to where Connor and Dylan are walking together and chatting.

  “Are you two, okay?”

  I nod my head. We are okay; I think. Some things are still unsaid between us, but then again, some things are probably best left unsaid, especially how I really feel about my best friend.

  We walk for another good twenty minutes until we reach the top of the hill. The views from up here are beautiful. You can see nothing but rolling green countryside and cloudy skies. I smile as I watch Connor and Aria; he has his arms wrapped around her from behind and his head resting on her shoulder, as they stand smiling out at the view.

  “They’re cute together, huh?” Dylan says, coming to stand beside me. He gestures his head towards where they are standing.

  “Yeah, they are.” I agree, smiling. Inside my heart aches because I want that with Dylan, and I’ll never have it.

  “Who was he?”

  I look at Dylan in confusion. “Who was who?”

  Dylan clears his throat and looks away from me and out at the view. “The guy you loved. You took a drink last night when Aria said about being in love.”

  “Oh, that,” I say, my heart thumps in my chest. What would he do if I said right here and now that it is him, he’s the only boy I’ve ever loved? “No one.”

  Dylan scoffs. “If you loved him, then he wasn’t no one.”

  I kick at the dirt on the ground with my foot, wanting the ground to swallow me up. I do what I do best – I deflect.

  “What about you? Who’s the girl you loved?”

  “Oh, no one,” he replies with a grin and I chuckle, nudging him with my arm. “Make sure you love someone who is good enough for your love El.”

  I look up at him, searching his eyes for the answers to all the questions I have. “That is very deep.”

  He smiles, shrugging his broad shoulders. “Just make sure the next guy you love is deserving of it.”

  “No one needs to be shackled with my broken and fragile heart,” I sigh. “I’m not even sure I have one anymore.”

  I feel his eyes burning into mine, but I keep my eyes focused on the view.

  “You have a heart, Ella Umbrella. It’s a big heart.”

  “Ready to head back down?” Caleb asks. Coming between us and putting his arms over both our shoulders and breaking the moment.

  I shake my head, trying to knock some sense into my brain. Dylan James is chipping away at my carefully erected walls and that is dangerous because to do that is to let myself be let down again. To let myself feel that absolute despair that no one came through for me when my life falls apart. I must distance myself from Dylan. It's what is best for both of us.

  I’m in a foul mood come college on Monday morning. The camping trip unnerved me, and I don’t like feeling that way. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I
head out on to the drive, my blonde hair tied up in a messy bun, chewing on a piece of toast I have just shoved in my mouth on the way out. The sound of a car sputtering grabs my attention and I see Dylan on his drive with his head under the bonnet of his car. I should just jump on my bike and drive off before he sees me, but no, my stupid brain speaks before it thinks.

  “Car trouble?” I shout across to him.

  “Fuck,” he startles and hits his head on the roof of the open bonnet. Rubbing his head, he leans up and looks across the way to me. “Yeah. It won’t start and I can’t figure out why.” He looks at his watch and he swears. “I’m going to be late.”

  I hesitate for a just a second. “You can always jump on the back of my bike?”

  He blinks, looking surprised. “Yeah?”

  I kick at the dirt with my shoe. “Yeah. Course.” Nice one, Ella, I say in my head, way to go. What happened to creating some distance?

  Dylan closes the bonnet, and he reaches into his car and grabs his bag and jogs down to my house. I can't help but take him in. He looks good today. His dark hair hangs in his eyes and there's a five o'clock shadow on his jawline that makes him look older, sexier.

  “You, okay?” he asks as he comes to a stop in front of me and I blink and pull myself together.

  Nodding, I climb onto the bike and start her up. “Get on.”

  Dylan climbs on behind me and I internally curse when his solid thighs fit snugly against mine. He wraps his arms around my waist, and he leans his chin on my right shoulder. I pull off the drive and we head out onto the open road. There's something that just feels so right about having Dylan on my bike with me. His body moulds to mine like it is born to do so. I want to glance to my right and see his face, but safety first and all that.

  When we pull into the school car park, heads turn, no doubt noticing who is on the back of my bike. I kill the engine and as I take off my helmet; I clock Connor and Dylan’s group of friends all watching us.

  “Okay, that was hands down the best thing ever!” Dylan exclaims, his face exploding in a smile as I turn my head to look at him. “You really know how to ride this thing Ella bear.”